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Todd The God

The Tale of Todd

Toddalach, the Sumerian god of hammers*, was a lesser known child of An (the sky) and Ki (the earth). His older brother Enlil, chief of the gods, got all the glory while Toddalach was revered primarily by blacksmiths and stonemasons. They prayed to him each morning for their hammers to stay strong and stay true.

One night, in 2977 BC, Toddalach got in an argument with Enlil, claiming that without his hammers and the worshippers who wielded them, there would be no great temples or statues to honor Enlil or any of the gods. Therefore he deserved a higher ranking in the Sumerian pantheon. The argument became heated. In a fit of rage, Enlil cast Toddalach’s spirit into a stone, then threw it halfway around the world so he would never have to be bothered by Toddalach’s arrogance ever again.

5,000 years later, on a hike near Mount Ranier in Washington state, Randy Stephens and his dog Theo veered off a hiking trail because they heard something that sounded like someone screaming. It was Toddalach. After 5,000 years of solitude, he’d chosen that day to snap. The only way Randy could get Toddalach to stop screaming was to promise to take him home so he would no longer be alone.

In his stone form, Toddalach has little power, but to reward Randy for his good deed, Toddalach got a job as remote telephone support for an online tool retailer, Megatoolopolis.com, and contributes his paycheck to household expenses. Now, in 2024, we join “Todd The God” in progress…

 

* Todd/Toddalach is a fictional character created by Greg Bulmash and is not an actual part of Sumerian mythology. Greg likes to think that if Todd was real, when Abraham destroyed his father’s idols, leaving the weapon of destruction in the hands of one of the statues (Genesis Rabbah 38.13), he used one of Todd’s hammers and placed it in the hands of a statue of Todd. Thus Todd, albeit involuntarily, helped Abraham start the monotheistic movement to which Jews, Christians, Mormons, and Muslims all trace their belief.

Toddalach, the God of Hammers, aka “Todd the God” is a work of fiction and is not intended to represent any persons living or dead.

Enjoying Greg's take on Todd? Check out his take on the afterlife... Hell on $5 a Day

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